


Text Message Conversations

by Xayna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Socially Awkward Castiel, Text Messages
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3596007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xayna/pseuds/Xayna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The conversations between TFW and friends are frankly, quite hysterical.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean: Dude, you seriously need to stop buying all of this rabbit food. There’s fucking nothing here to eat. Bitch

Sam: There’s turkey burger in the freezer. Make yourself a damn sandwich. Jerk.

Dean: But it’s turkey, asswipe. I need some real meat.

Sam: Ask Cas. I’m sure he’s got some real meat for you.

Dean: Fuck. Off.

***

Dean: Cas, you got any food?

Cas: I know for a fact that Sam went grocery shopping yesterday.

Dean: All he bought is that organic leafy shit. How am I supposed to survive?

Cas: Sam seems to be doing fine. He doesn’t have any weight problems, either.

Dean: Are you calling me fat?

Cas: I believe the expression is “if the shoe fits.” What does that even mean?

Dean: Am I really getting fat?

Cas: I think it’s cute.

Dean: Goddamnit. I’m eating a salad.

***

Cas: Dean, why does a cat want a cheeseburger?

Dean: What have I told you about surfing the web without me?

Cas: Gabriel is emailing me these cat pictures. I don’t understand.

Dean: It’s a meme. It’s supposed to be funny.

Cas: What is wrong with this one?

Cas: Why is Gabriel sending me pictures of scantily clad people in only leather?

Cas: I don’t see how this is funny.

Cas: Dean, make it stop.

Dean: Sorry, you’re SOL.

***

Gabriel: Can you check up on Cas for me? He’s not returning my texts or calls.

Sam: That might be because of all the dungeon porn.

Gabriel: Haha oops

***

Sam: Hey guys. I’m having a surprise birthday dinner for Dean. It’ll be a cook out. Bring potato chips or pop or something.

Sam: But don’t tell him. Gabe.

Gabe: Aye aye.

Charlie: Bunker?

Cas: What is a butt plug and what does it have to do with my sense of humor?

Sam: Yeah.

Sam: What the fuck, Cas?

Gabe: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Charlie: Cas, get off the chat room. Now.

Cas: What is a dingleberry?

Gabe: This is better than cable! lololol

Charlie: I’ll go get him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Cas finds himself with a bit of a glitter problem.

Cas: How do you get glitter out of your armpits?

Dean: What the actual fuck?

Cas: It’s your fault. Fix it.

Dean: How is it my fault?

Cas: You dumped a bottle of glitter on me at your birthday party.

Dean: OH YEAH! Ahahaha that was great.

Dean: How the fuck did you get it in your armpits? You were wearing your damn trench coat.

Cas: Don’t talk smack about my trench coat.

Dean: …

Dean: Where’d you learn the phrase “talk smack”?

Cas: I have been exploring the internet.

Cas: Stop changing the subject. How do I remove the purple sparkles from my skin?

Dean: HAHA. You’re SOL. That shit doesn’t go away.

Cas: So glitter is like herpes.

Dean: WTF? Cas, I’m done with this conversation.

***

Cas: Sam, I need your help. This is an emergency.

Sam: What’s wrong? Is everything okay?

Cas: I have glitter in my armpits and I don’t know how to get it out. I asked Dean because of his relations with strippers and their proclivity toward glitter but he refused to help.

Sam: THAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY?!

Sam: GODDAMNIT CAS! I JUST ABOUT HAD A HEART ATTACK.

Cas: If a small fright is enough to send you into cardiac distress, I suggest seeing a physician ASAP.

Cas: Sam?

Cas: Are you ignoring me?

Cas: I need to get this glitter out of my armpits.

Cas: Google isn’t helping.

Cas: I don’t want to ask Gabriel. Please help.

***

Cas: I have a problem and I need your help.

Gabe: whats up?

Cas: I have glitter in my armpits and I can’t get it out. Dean and Sam refuse to help me.

Gabe: AHAHAHA baby brother have you finally fallen to the dark side and followed dean-o into a den of iniquity?

Cas: No. Dean dumped glitter on me at his birthday party and I can’t get rid of it.

Gabe: are ya sure?

Cas: You were there.

Gabe: i was also pretty wasted.

Gabe: oh shit dude. i remember. ahahahaha sucks to be you

Cas: Does that mean you can’t help me?

Gabe: when you’ve got glitter in your sheltered places, ain’t nobody able to help you.

Cas: Sometimes I hate you.

Gabe: love you too little bro ;-)

***

Sam: Your boyfriend is a jerk.

Dean: I don’t have a boyfriend fuckface.

Sam: Whatever. He still freaked me out and pissed me off.

Dean: Cas? Did he text you about the glitter in his armpits, too?

Sam: Yep. He told me it was an emergency.

Dean: lol

Sam: Get control of your man.

Dean: For fuck’s sake, he’s not my man.

Sam: You’re right. He’s your Angel of the Lord.

Dean: You can fuck right off, bitch.

***

Gabe: DID CASSIE TEXT YOU ABOUT HIS GLITTER PROBLEMS OMG IM GONNA DIEEEEEEE

Sam: I’m glad you find the situation amusing.

Gabe: who got your knickers in a twist?

Sam: Cas told me it was an emergency. I thought it was a real emergency and freaked out. I’m pissed.

Gabe: AHAHA COULD THIS DAY GET ANY BETTER?!?!?!

Sam: I hate you.

Gabe: youre not the first person to tell me that today sweetcheeks.

***

Sam: Cas is having problems with glitter. He can’t get it off his skin. I’d help him but I’m ignoring him. So would you text him and make sure he’s okay?

Charlie: Aww, it’s cute that you care. I’ll help him.

Sam: Thanks. And don’t tell him I texted you.

Charlie: *salutes*

***

Charlie: Hey. I heard about your glitter problem. How are you doing?

Cas: I’ve been picking of each individual speck. This is taking forever.

Charlie: You really should just leave it be. It will go away eventually. Plus, I heard Dean likes a little sparkle ;)

Cas: You are possibly the most unhelpful person I have talked to today, and that includes Gabriel who mocked me mercilessly.

Charlie: *sigh* Cas, I hate to break it to you, but there really is no way to remove glitter. Unless…

Cas: Unless?

Charlie: Unless you take tape, stick it to the skin with the glitter on it, and pull it off. That’s the only way I can think of.

Cas: THANK YOU.

***

Cas: DEAN OH GOD IT HURTS

Dean: What’s wrong???

Cas: Charlie told me to stick tape over the glitter and pull it off. I used duck tape because I thought stronger was better, but I didn’t account for all of the hair.

Dean: YOU DID WHAT?

Dean: Are you serious?

Cas: This was such a terrible idea. I wish I would have put up with the glitter.

Dean: I don’t know whether to laugh or come help you.

Cas: COME HELP

Dean: Do you need me to pick anything up on the way?

Cas: Ice cream. Bring lots of ice cream.

Dean: How will ice cream help?

Cas: I’ve heard ice cream mends broken hearts.

Dean: …?

Cas: If ice cream can mend a broken heart, imagine what it can do for an injured armpit.

Dean: Oh for fuck’s sake. I’ll be there in an hour. With ice cream.

Cas: Thank you.


End file.
